Lose Control
by SoRightItsWrong
Summary: She was losing control because he was gone. Casey centric.


A/N Wow here's another LWD one-shot. I can't believe I wrote this so quickly! This is actually Casey-centric and may be a bit confusing. All italics are from the songs Drive My Soul by Lights and Don't Cry Out by Shiny Toy Guns.

I'm thinking of writing a Derek-centric; tell me what you guys think! Please review, it makes me so happy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Life with Derek, Lights, or Shiny Toy Guns.

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It goes like this… She likes to think she's perfect. (And if anyone were to look at her they would think so to.) Because she works so hard at it. It's like this competition she has with herself. (And this is the one game that she can always win at.) But of course she has one little (horribly large and heartbreaking) problem. It's him. No matter how hard she tries to get rid of him, he's just there in her mind. (And really, she's trying so hard not to _cry out_ for him but… it's not really working.)

Here's the thing… She's _doesn't get him_. (Because he so _clearly forgot_ what she _can't forget._)

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She supposed looking back on it all; she should blame him for everything. (It's amazing how much better she feels when she can lay the blame on him.) She tried so hard to ignore him, but he just wouldn't leave her alone. (And what was she supposed to do when he was throwing phrases around like "I'm the exception to all the rules"?) And at first it was _the perfect game to play_. His _secret kiss of confidence_ made her feel so alive. (Reckless had never been in her vocabulary before.) But soon their thoughtless behavior became something more. (And who would have guessed with them?)

Maybe she should tell you…He was _her escape_ from her perfect life. (It was all _pretending_ except when she was with him.)

_____

It was hard for her to understand the moment it happened. She had always felt this sort of thing between them. (Kind of like a never ending explosion.) But one day she looked at him, and he was different. There was no shining light around him, but she felt changed. (And she suddenly didn't feel all that perfect anymore.)

If you didn't know already… She used to be her own person. (But now that _he's gone she's loosing control_.)

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Their relationship had kind of been like being on a roller coaster. (And she had hated that because she _wasn't in control._) One minute they would be arguing and the next they would be kissing. (They just couldn't get enough of each other.) He was like her secret weapon of confidence because he was a _road she knew_. (And her _place was suddenly clear when he was there_.)

It's easy to see… He made the _darkness disappear_. (Until he's _gone_ and then _she's loosing control._)

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She supposes now that she's not exactly sure who she is. (Because a girl like her would never have gotten into this fucked up situation.) A perfect girl didn't _loose control_ just because _he was gone_. There were always _lines_ and _borders_ involved in her life. (She had a whole set of rules and he made her break every one of them.)

It's hard to understand but…She felt _bright when he stood near_. (And then _he's gone_ and she's not the same again.)

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She's not exactly sure how it happens but she's on the road now driving away from it all. It's just, she can't _see past the shadows_. (She's trying so hard not to fall away from it all…but she's just making it worse.) Staying in between the _lines_ has never been harder for her. (Because he makes her want to cross that damn line so much.) And she can't see anything because _somebody put out the moon_ and he's _not there to show her where to go_. (And it's so like him to make her feel this way.)

She hasn't expected the _hard curves_ along the way. (It seems to her that the _road is a minefield_…stopping her from reaching her destination.) She's not really sure where she's supposed to _turn_ (it was always easier to see her path when he was near.) She's _looking for street signs_ to show her where to go. (But she can't find them and she's wondering if _somebody burned down the signs_.) Maybe she's lost on this never ending road. (And wouldn't that be perfect because then she would never have to face what she doesn't want to.)

And this is the situation…He's the _only road she knows_. (And she's _loosing control_ because he's not here to make the _street light's reappear_.)

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Unfortunately she manages to _find her way_ by herself. (Although it wasn't really all that easy when she was_ all alone_.) She's arrived at her destination (and this is the one place in the world where she doesn't want to be.) It's all new to her because she's never been here before. But her _way becomes clear_ and suddenly she's running across the green grass towards that forbidden place. (She's _loosing control_ again and she can't stop it.)

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She finds herself on her knees crying out tears. (She didn't even know she had them.) It feels like to much to ask that this could never have happened. (And she's so angry with him for starting this whole thing and then just leaving her.) She's tried so hard to be that perfect girl again after he left. But she just can't put back together what he took from her. (She _felt so found when he stood near_.) And she's going to blame him (because that's what she does.) It's his fault completely that she lost her way when _he was gone_. How could he have showed her the most wonderful thing in the world and taken it away from her? (And who's going to _drive her soul, now that he's gone_?)

There's this thing she should have realized… _He's gone_. (But she just can't.)


End file.
